Madalyn Faith Linder

FINALLY! Madalyn is finally 7. How did that happen?? She has been waiting her whole life to be 7. Last night as I tucked her into bed she told me "well today is my last time going to sleep as a 6 year old"

 

Some things I remember about February 7th:

We were the first c-section that day so we needed to be up early and to the hospital by 6.
Jameson spent the night with my parents the night before so we could get a good nights rest. Ya right.

I was up early to prepare for the day Jer was resting easy. He was gonna need it.
Off to the hospital we went.

When I walked into L&D and the nurse asked if she could help us I said we were scheduled for a csection and her reply was "usually women come in sweats and no make up"
Well I am not most women and I was going to be having visitors. Make up, hair, earrings, heels is how I do it. My sweats were in my bag.

Get settled in a room so they could check vitals, blood pressure, monitoring our un-named girl.
A scheduled c-section is a walk in the park. No stress

Wheeled into surgery Jer would soon follow.
Prep for surgery

Anesthesiologist came in to get me numbed up and his phone rang. Thunderstruck was his ring tone.

It was pretty funny!
Surgery is a blur other than I know that Jer cried.
We didn't have a name picked out and we wouldn't for three days.
Jer wanted to name her Julianna and I wanted Madalyn. We both agreed her middle name would be Faith.
My dad was our most frequent visitor.
Jameson wasn't sure what to think.

Madalyn was the cutest little gift. She has black hair dark eyes and you could see the wonder in her eyes. She was going to make a mark in this world. Doctor Baxter had told everyone how beautiful she was so they all had to come see. She was a born entertainer. She loves to dance and sing. Her favorite stores are Staples and Macy's. She loves office supplies and notebooks (she has 29 she tells me). She hugs tight. If she got to choose she would stay up late like daddy. She loves clothes and shoes and all things that sparkle. She isn't afraid to try new things or to make new friends. She wants to help people who need it. She has a tender heart and a zest for life. I am excited to see where she goes and who she becomes. I know she is going to light the world on fire. We are going to have ups and downs and all arounds. I am going to be there cheering her on, keeping her feet on the ground, and on my knees for her. No matter what comes I am her mom and I love her more than she will ever know.

Blessed is me..

Ethel Rae

Ethel Rae Beelar

She was my grandma

She had 7 siblings

(Glenna, Pheobe, Nancy, Sheila, Nora, Jack, Glen)

She had 7 children

(Yvonne, James, Glenda, Craig, Vicki, Richard, David)

She had  16 grandchildren
(Nick, Kevin, Tony, Kristi, James, Rob, Kallie, Pat, Michael, Craig, Geneva, Richard, Zachary, Chelsea, Mindy, Miranda)

She buried one grandchild
(Michael)

She never met one grandchild
(Chelsea)

She has countless great grandchildren she has never met

She buried her first husband (James Wheatley) while her children were still young

She was married 3 times

She loved the color blue

She lived in Holland

She never had a drivers license

She made the most delicious pancakes and would always let me beat the egg whites

She taught me how to make pie crust
She listened to Scandinavian music

She smelled like cigarettes and Exclamation perfume

She never left the house without her face on and hair done "no decent woman does"

She drew her eyebrows on with a Maybelinne pencil everyday

She knew how to pluck a chicken

She wore rings, bracelets and earrings everyday no matter what she was doing

She put hand lotion on often and when she did her rings clinked together

She let me ride my bike in the house at the "blue farm" in Walluski

She let me eat sugar on my pancakes

She watched her home with Grandpa Cliff burn to the ground

She lived in a travel trailer

She let me spend the night whenever I called

She tucked me in tight to bed

She let me use as many bubbles as I wanted in the claw foot tub

She put her teeth in a glass on the bathroom counter at night

She always hugged me tight

She always had butterscotch and cinnamon disks in the candy dish. If I dusted I could have one

She wore a size 4 wedding band.. same as me... I wear hers now

She got cancer

She never sought treatment, but instead traveled to see every single one of her grand kids before she died..something I didn't understand and was mad about.. I get it now

She even on her death bed wanted her toes polished and her legs shaved.. I did it for her

 She came home from seeing all those kids she loved climbed into bed and never got out

She died

The day she died is one I will never forget. I rushed out to Knappa to see her. She laid in bed so peaceful wearing her favorite jewelry. I cried and cried. I climbed into her bed my head on her chest. Heartbroken. 

To me she was perfect; perfect love.

I miss her

She would have loved Jameson's tender heart and huge smile

She would have loved Madalyn's spunk and contagious laugh

She would have loved Jeremy and his quiet strong demeanor

She would have loved to see all of her grand kids grow to be parents

She would have loved all the little feet running through the kitchen tugging on her hand for attention

She was and still is love even though we can't see or touch her

Sometimes I can smell her

Sometimes she comes to my dreams

Sometimes I cry when I think of how much I missed with her even though I got more than most

Most times I am overjoyed by the gifts she left us from pie crusts and bubble baths to the lessons on love and tight hugs
Someday I will see her again

Blessed is me...

Farewell to 2012

A sprinkle of 2012 Linder style:

We had prayers answered
We had some prayers not answered, answered differently than asked for, and some still waiting for.

We watched our presidential candidate lose.

We watched the Olympics.

Jameson learned about the Electoral College and could explain it. WHAT?!

We had trials. Car trouble, broken appliances, flooded basement, rotten trailer... on and on.

Madalyn got bangs and wants to be called Maddie. MISS INDEPENDENT.
We experienced our friends bring their son home from China.

We forged new unsuspecting friendships.

Jameson started 3rd grade and Madalyn 1st grade.

I deepened friendships with a few.
I have cried.

I attended the funeral of my childhood best friends dad.

I prayed. We prayed.

We experienced God burning away some of the yuck in order to be closer to Him.

We moved into our new home.

We have laughed until our guts hurt.

We have watched our children evolve.

Jer hit a major milestone by having the same truck for 4 years.

Madalyn continues to impress us with her style.

Jameson attended Kids Camp successfully. HUGE

We have loved.

Life is full of ups downs and all arounds. It helps us to be better. It makes us realize who we are, and what is important. It gives us perspective. It isn't always easy and it isn't always hard. It can appear perfect from the outside, but it never is.

Life is what you make of it and it is our choice to make the best of it.

I choose to live 2013 OUT LOUD.

Blessed is me..

Christmas times 5!

Christmas is a busy 4 days for us. 

We start off with the Huckestein Christmas the Saturday before the 25th. It is full of food, family, and blessing our adopted family.

The 23rd we have our Linder/Inman Christmas with Jer's parents and sister. More food, family and presents.
When we get home Jer and I get the kids tucked into bed wait for them to fall into a slumber and load up the tree.
The 24th the kids wake up to a tree full of presents and its an early morning wake up call. My parents join us for breakfast and gifts with the kids. Boy are these kids spoiled!
 In the evening we head off to Coastline for our Christmas Eve church service.
Our friend Jody sang Joy to the World take a listen here
The 25th we get to drive up to Mount Vernon WA. to see our Inman family. This year was Jer's grandma Viv's 93 Christmas! We love her so much.

Here is our Christmas in pictures.

   Sister loving daddy.

Jameson got some cool farming books

  

  

Overnight bags from Gr. & Gr. Hucks

Jameson got a scoreboard clock

Kids are excited!

 

LEGO'S

Sis excited about a cursive book

Bella enjoying her cushy new bed

Mount Vernon bound

 We love going up to see the Inman family. The
kids have their "own room" at Aunt Shelah and Uncle Fritz's house and there is so much to do there. Unfortunately this year Mad came down with the stomach flu, so we decided it best to head home just in case one of us got the bug. It was sad to be leaving our favorite place, but for the best.

Sister not happy to be heading back home

Jamesons sock monkey co pilot

Two peas in a pod

My very favorite part of our drive to and from The Farm (Mount Vernon) was listening to Jer and Jameson talk about everything from the new tractors being hauled to how much it costs to have a horse. Jameson is really not letting up on wanting a real live horse.
Today while Madalyn rests on the sofa I will be taking all the decorations down and boxing up our tree (yes it's fake) and reflecting on the small moments of Christmas and how lucky we are. So many things to be thankful, but most of all thankful that a baby was born to be our Savior in a humble manger, so we would have everlasting life.

You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.” Luke 1:31-33

Blessed is me..

Dear...

A few weeks ago I was helping Jameson clean out his bedroom which is FULL of "treasures". Both of our kids love office supplies and notebook and as I was cleaning I kept finding notes that Jameson had written. Some were sweet little musings about who he loved "Mom, Dad, Madalyn, God, Grandma, Leslie, Bella (our dog), Papa and Grammy, Papa Moo and Grandma Debbie" Some were about what he did at school, and some made me sad like the one that read "I need you to love me."

It made me realize that since Jameson is so sensitive to how WE feel he may never come to us with his true feelings, tough questions, or moments to celebrate. He would rather write his feelings down.

Madalyn also loves to write notes, make cards and draw us pictures. She is more obvious that she has written one tho. She will either had it to us or put it on our bed and then come tell us that it is there then bug us to go get it until we do.
She wrote a note and gave it to Jer that read "mommy and daddy are in love" and she drew a picture at school of me dressed in Beaver colors.

We love all the notes that the kids give us, but they are everywhere and we can't possibly keep all of them. I got the idea of doing a back and forth journal with them.

Both kids have a notebook that is just for us (Jer and I) and them. Jer and I have one between us also.
We told the kids that they can write anything they want in it. They can ask questions, they can let us know they are sad, mad, happy etc., they can draw pictures. Nothing is off limits and then we will write back to them. We also write them notes and they reply back to us. I personally have loved it and it has turned into way more than I had hoped. I can't share what is in the books cause we told the kids there were only for us, but I can tell you a few of my favorite things:

Madalyn's phonetic spelling

She signs her name Maddie (which I don't love and she knows it)

Jameson signs is name "bud" cause that is what Jer calls him

and he is very detailed when he is explaining something.

When I initially thought of this it was because I know that at this time Jameson isn't always going to share his feelings with us, but what I didn't realize was that Madalyn isn't always going to share. She will become the teenager who thinks that her parents have ruined her life. Since we will have this writing dialogue in place I hope that she will still write to us freely.

Our notebook project has evolved into something more than I thought it would and I love finding them on my pillow with a little note inside. These are items that I will forever treasure.

Blessed is me...

Being Jamesons momma

Jameson Rockefeller Linder
Born June, 26
8 years old

Jameson is one of the kindest most compassionate boys you will meet. When you are happy he will be happy with you. When you are sad he will cry because you are sad When you are angry he will shy away. You will never have to tell him any of your feelings he already knows. He knows all of this just by observing and feeling. When he thinks you need an lift he will leave a note on your pillow.

Jameson never says much and ponders for a long time before he will. He rubs his chin like his dad when he is thinking. When he is afraid or frustrated he cries. When he is happy he laughs from the pits of his belly. He is afraid of change. He is afraid of the unknown. He doesn't think he is good at anything. He says he doesn't have any friends. He is afraid to try anything new for fear of failing.

The first day of school was the worst yet. As soon as we pulled up to the school he grab the seat of my car and burst forward crying saying he was afraid. As we walked into the school he held onto me tighter. I tried to comfort him, but it wasn't working. It was all new. New teacher, new classroom, new school, new routine, new classmates, new principle, new playground. It was all new and he was terrified. As I bent down to comfort him again and to tell him that I had to go cause I needed to get Madalyn to school across town I could see the fear in his face. He begged me to stay, to take him with me and I wanted to so bad. All of this because of fear of the unknown. I spent the rest of the day crying and worrying only to come home and find him doing handstands in his barn boots outside. He said he had a great day and loved his new teacher.

He desperately wants to have a friend. Oh he has friends at school an all the kids really like him, but if you ask him he doesn't have any friends. He wants a best friend that will invite him places like his sister gets and that he can have over for sleep overs. He is too afraid to invite anyone over cause "what if they say no". He wants people to like him so much that he made up a story that he has two horses. This came to light at conferences when his teacher kept referring to his horses that he wrote about in his journal. When we asked about this he said "No one likes me" Heart wrenching as a parent to see that the boy your dreamed about thinks that no one likes him especially when as we see it it isn't true.

Jameson is often questioned why he doesn't play football, basketball, or baseball. He always just says "I don't really like to I like animals instead". This for some reason is hard for people to take. A solid good size boy who doesn't like sports how can that be?! He wouldn't dream of running after a ball that another kid was trying to get or fighting over a rebounded ball (unless it was Madalyn). He would rather you have a turn and he will sit out.

Jameson is good at many things. He is a great speller and has gotten 100% on every spelling test since 1st grade. He can draw wonderful pictures, he writes songs, and can build mansions from Legos. He can tap out a beat after only hearing a few beats of song. He loves animals and he has no trouble climbing over a gate into a field full of 1200 lb cows with his dad or papa moo. He is NOT afraid of animals. He loves the Lord. He is an amazing child carrying around a heavy load for an 8 year old. I find his load very heavy and I am 36 I can't imagine what is going on inside his head. We get glimpses sometimes when he writes in one of his many notebooks.

 As his mom I am struggling to find balance in letting him forge his own way and just forging it for him. I am struggling at letting him be afraid of what's not going to hurt him and rescuing him. I am struggling at not FREAKING OUT about the constant barrage of "why isn't he playing (insert sport). It breaks my heart when he tells me "I really want to win a trophy, but I am not good at anything" or "no one likes me" even if it isn't true. I wish he could just see what we see. I wish he could see how much he has to offer at only 8. I wish he could see that he is good at things an that not only does he have friends he is everybody's friend! He is so genuine, so caring, so much like Jer in many ways and like me in others. He is such an old soul.

One of my dearest clients told me "the best place you can be for your kids is on your knees". That is my plan I am going to forge a prayerful path for him while I let him forge his own way and I am going to keep it together when asked why he isn't playing basketball etc.. for the 16 trillionth time. 

It isn't likely that he will ever make the winning touchdown, or the winning basket at the buzzer, but he will make you feel better when you are sad, he will touch your heart if you can just get a glimpse of his and I will take that over a touchdown any day.

Blessed it me..

What if..

What if.. when someone was suffering we lifted them up
What if.. when someone was sad we comforted them
What if.. when someone was happy we rejoiced with them
What if.. when someone offered us a compliment we took it
What if.. when someone succeeded we celebrate with them
What if.. when someone failed we encouraged them to try again
What if.. when someone was in a valley we helped them to the mountain top
What if.. when someone didn't feel loved we loved them
What if.. when someone didn't feel worthy of anything we let them know they are
What if.. we gave from the heart until it hurt
What if.. we saw someone being bullied and we stood up for them
What if.. we really stood for what we believed in
What if.. we trusted
What if.. we surrendered
What if.. we loved
What if.. we cried
What if.. we rejoiced
What if.. we failed
What if.. we hurt
What if.. we feared
What if.. we laughed
What if.. we felt worthy
What if.. we supported
What if.. we took chances

What if.. we had faith
What if.. we believed we could move mountains
What if.. we all worked together for the greater good
What if.. we had more money
What if.. we had less money

I have had so many "what if's" the last few weeks. There are so many things that I want to do, but I know that I can't do all of them and be good at any of them.

I want to:
be a better wife
a better mom
feed people
love people
rock babies that have no one to rock them
to help people see that they don't have to be a product of their environment
to help with the drug problem in our county
sit with people at chemo that have no one to sit with them
volunteer with Hospice so no one has to die alone
to pray for everyone to see the love of Jesus
the list goes on and on and on and on.. and on..

What if.. instead of putting our need (wants) first we put someone else first? What if we all did one thing to help someone and did it really good.

What if.. we all knew our calling.
What if.. I knew mine

We could change the world

Blessed is me..