I once had a new client come in and tell me that my grandma referred her to me. It was actually Jer's grandma cause both mine have passed away. Anyways the lady went on to tell me they were waiting in line at Safeway to get their flu shots and she had noticed a couple that were obviously in love and must have just gotten married that they were holding hands and being very attentive to one another. I told my new client that they had been married for 55 years! She was shocked to see that a couple could be married so long and still have love like that.
I recently asked Grandma how she thought they made it 60 years. She told me it was "faith in God." I then asked her if she would write us a letter explaining it to us. Our kids get to see them quite often, but our grand kids may not and I think it is a treasure our whole family would like to have. After some hesitation she agreed and I am so glad!
Dear family,
Awhile back Kallie asked me to write a letter sharing with everyone why we thought our marriage lasted 60 years. After a lot of soul searching, I finally agreed.
Going way back to the beginning, I remember my Mother teaching me and important lesson on what I should look for in a husband. She said the more things you have in common, the better the chances your marriage would survive. There would be fewer serious issues for you to disagree on. Faith in God and having the same moral traits were very important issues. Both Dick and I grew up in home with Parents who were practicing Catholics. Church was very important in both our families. My mother would always write the first check of each month for their church support. Her reasoning being that if you ran out of money before the end of the month, you had already paid God first and he wouldn't be shortchanged. She knew that all that you give to God will come back many time over. One of her other lessons was on dating. She would only let me date Catholic boys. Her argument for this policy was simple. if you date these boys only, you will find a mate among them who shares a strong moral bond with you. Important common traits.
When Dick and I married on August 16, 1952, the times were much simpler, as was our wedding. I paid for the wedding myself, including my mom and dad's suits. Dad grew the gladiolas I used to decorate the church. People didn't go into hock to have lavish affairs. The marriage itself was the focus. No rehearsal dinner, no booze or sit down dinners. Just cake, nuts, candy, punch and coffee. We had our wedding Mass at 10:00 in the morning followed by a breakfast at the hotel for the bridal party and their parents. this was a necessity as we had to fast from midnight to receive Holy Communion in those days, and we were all hungry. then we had the simple reception at the a hall at 2:00 in the afternoon. that is how things were done then. As I said, times were simpler back then, and divorce was unheard of.
You go through lots of stages in a marriage. The first 25 years are the hardest. They first years are full of adjustments. Melding meal times, food preferences, chores and finances. Then when you have children, the marriage has more love, more joy, and more adjustments; discipline, diapers and more chores to share. Wonderful time and challenges raising kids. An enriching process which leaves great everlasting memories of time and love shared.
We were truly blessed in the children stage. As I said, times were much simpler back then. The kids grew up being able to play outside until dark without parents worrying about them. TV was in it's beginning in the 50's, and as were most families, we were mesmerized by the whole thing. This cut into cards and game times but we survived. Barely. Money was always tight when the kid were growing up, so we enjoyed simple family fun. Camping, swimming, fishing, and Sunday car rides followed by simple ice cream cones.
Then all too soon, you're at the empty nest stage. Hopefully, you've continued to nurture the love you have for each other and you can look over at your spouse and see your best friend, not some stranger. it was during this alone time that Dick and I started our evening glass of wine, which was an acquired taste for me. The first one home from work poured the wine, and then we sat together and share our day and other things going on. It was a special time of day for us.
We moved into the retirement stage on the same day, December 31, 1993. Jobs now behind us, we were excited about where our travels were going to take us and all the new friends we would be able to meet, and hoped we had planned adequately. Fortunately, we both like to travel in our RV, and found it a a wonderful rewarding experience. We have had many good memories of our trips.
The last stage is dealing with aging and health issues. The mind says "sure you can do it", but the body says "I don't think so". We are grateful for the loving support of our family at this time. They are always there for us when we need them, just a phone call away. Many of our friend are not so lucky. We are also grateful that we've been able to take turns with our serious operations, so we could be strong for each other when the other one was having a health issue. That "in sickness and health" vow is priceless.
With all these stages to build on, besides being husband and wife, we are each others best friend. That has not changed in our sixty years together. You can't go wrong marrying your best friend.
There aren't words to explain what it is like to be part of this family with Dick and Betty at the helm. They just love that is it. It is a simple love. They love you right were you are, they love you when you are down and will extend a hand to help you up, they love you when you are up and will lift you even higher, they just love you plain and simple. I wish everyone could see and share in what we get to see all the time.
Blessed is me.
