The Month of Thanks

All the leaves are turning colors and falling from the trees.

Pumpkins adorn our front porch 

Fall is here and it is my very favorite.

Sometimes we get lucky with a dry sunny day like we did today.

Fall also brings the Month of Thanks on Facebook.

I know not everyone likes it because 

"we should always be thankful"

 or

 "you bitch 11 months out of the year so why is November any different"

Personally, I like it.
I find it refreshing and a nice change from peoples dirty laundry and pictures of their dinner plate.

I am a frequent FB poster.
 Some say too much.
Sunrise picture anyone???

I don't care.

I like it and some people tell me they do too.

We have family far away and FB is an easy way to stay connected.

I haven't partaken in the Month of Thanks this year like I have in years past, but I wanted to share some of what I am thankful for.
I am thankful year round, but I think November is when it is at the forefront of peoples thoughts.
I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
So, here it goes..

I am thankful for:

- The smile on The Farmers face when he rumbles up the driveway in his new to us farm truck.
It's old and "stinky" as Mad says, the window crank is missing on the passenger door, it has a fancy CB and he loves it. REALLY loves it and the kids do too.
When The Farmer has an ear to ear grin I can't help but share in his joy.

- Jameson's new found confidence over the last year.
 He is thriving in school, even volunteering to share about his weekend to the class and to answer math problems aloud. He is really branching out and taking guitar lessons and is even excited about them.
We are excited to see what his experience at fair does for him.

-Madalyn's passion for dance.
She loves it more than I want her to. She is dancing all the time especially since she has a Blazer performance coming up. I love that she wears the knee high nylons that we used to try her tap shoes on with to every dance class even though I bought her different socks. She could care less what other people think about her style.

-Friendships that never change regardless of how life gets busy, messy and stressful.
 I love knowing that there is a select few that will always be there just like they always have been. They love me and my family just how we are.

-Trials that make you realize who your real friends really are.
 Sometimes it is surprising who will stand by you in your darkest time.
 I'm beyond thankful that I now know who that is.

-Power in our barn.
 Lights and outlets which mean we will soon have  freezer big enough to hold more than a weeks worth of meat.

-A tough year in marriage.
 It proved to us we can make it through deep valleys and super dark days.

- A husband that can replace the brakes on my car and does so without complaint.
It saves us a ton of money.

-Free range chickens.
I am not sure why it makes me happy to have almost 30 chickens and 1 duck freely roaming our yard, but it does. I love that they nest in my flower beds and let Mad pick them up.
I love that 3 of them roosted on top our house because it got dark before they got put to bed.

-Wind and pounding rain.
especially when I get to be home snuggled in our little house with a fire blazing, hot cup of coffee, blanket and a good book.

-My dad who takes our kids golfing and clam digging.
It is something that they get to do with just him. I think these are the memories they are going to cherish the most.

-My mom who makes sure we are always stocked with home canned tuna.
Jameson would eat a pint a day if we let him. It is the best and she has it down to a science.

-A strong.. sometimes too strong work ethic.
My parents both worked very hard and instilled in me that if you want something you work for it.
There is no free lunch.

-A 4h leader for our kids who truly loves everything 4h stands for.
She works tirelessly for our kids doing projects and making sure they have what they need for fair.

-A sister in law who loves me like a sister.
Even though we got off to a rough start we are sisters who love and cherish each other.

-In loves (you might call them in-laws) who accept me fully as their daughter.
There aren't words to describe how this feels.

- The "boys"
When I met The Farmer he had (and still has) a group of friends who have been together since they were little. These boys, which includes one girl named Rachel, will be friends until they are old old and sitting in Landwehrs having coffee talking about the whippersnappers in their lifted trucks and stories about the "olden days"
I love these boys and their friendship. It seems effortless.

-Our Church family
by that I don't only mean the church we attend.
We have brothers and sisters far and wide who attend various churches.
I loved that we are connected by the One True King.

-Our humble home.
It is old, half rotten, heated by only a woodstove, no dishwasher, my clothes hang over the master bathtub as a makeshift closet, single pane windows that you can feel they wind blow through, one working bathroom and I love it.
I love that Johnny and Jean loved this home and now we get to raise our kids here.

-Farm life
We have hundreds of acres to explore.
 Our backdoor is piled high with barn boots in every size.. (just in case your kids need a pair when you stop by)
 We get to tromp through fields, wake to the sounds of cows mooing, chickens crowing, frogs croaking and so much more. We get to see baby animals born and learn how to care for them when their own mommas can't or wont.
Our kids get to experience things I wish every kid could.  

-The Farmer
I know, I know it's so clique to say your thankful for your husband, but I truly am.
He makes me better in many ways.
When I am I am on an emotional roller coaster he balances me with logic.
When I need to be in constant motion he calms me.
When I am sure I can't do one more thing he assures me that I can.
The depth of my love for him brings me to tears.
I can't explain the power of his hugs or what it feels like when he picks me up and squeezes me 'two times"
I know that I can be difficult and at times I am sure he wants to poke my right eye, but he never does.
He just loves me when I need it, calms me when I'm stressed and hugs me when I cry.
Thankful doesn't even begin to describe it.


Blessed is me...

Sometimes I need a straightjacket

The following can send me right into a tailspin:

"vomit"
"my tummy hurts"
"I (or my kid) has been vomiting all night"
Vomit

I hate it. I fear it.
Now I know nobody "likes" vomit, but I have friends who are cool as a cucumber when dealing with it.

If my kids tell me "my tummy hurts" it turns me into a lunatic and I must ask a barrage of questions to get to the bottom of things.
"have you pooped today"
"are you hungry"
"did you eat too much"
"are you going to vomit"
"do you need a bucket"
"do you want to take shower"

"where exactly does your tummy hurt"

I am not sure why it makes me feel like I am going to poop my pants, or why my heart races, or why I start to sweat, or why I feel the sudden urge to either rock myself or totally go into a fit of rage, but it does.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that everyone around me got the stomach bug days after we brought Madalyn home from the hospital.

Taking care of a newborn while your 20 month old spews vomit all over his bed can really do a number on you especially when your husband and parents and in-laws get that not so good feeling.
Maybe it is because I am a freak who needs very strong meds.

Or a straightjacket.

I also get a little stressed about impending stomach bugs if:
my kids are eating so much you'd think they were starved

my kids aren't eating anything

my kid are more tired than normal
my kids stay up later than normal and aren't tired

Madalyn cries about everything

my kids poop more than one time before school, or after school or at any time.

 Jameson drinks a lot of water

Really I can be sure they will wake up in the middle of the night and fill their bed with what we had for dinner any given night.

The Farmer just shakes his head at me and says "they are fine."

 

This is where I really lucked out.
When the kids are really sick (which isn't often)The Farmer steps in.
He usually stays home with the kids while I evacuate the scene.
Don't worry though I stay in constant contact via way too many texts
"how are the kids"
"has anyone been sick"
"have they eaten"
"are they dehydrated"
Jer replies
"STOP"

 

Let me be clear.

 It isn't that I don't know what to do or how to care for the kids because I do.
In fact if this is a middle of the night nightmare I am usually the one to clean up the mess while The Farmer gets whoever is sick in the shower.
Sidenote: when picking out a bed for you child make sure there aren't a million places for all the ick to leak. Our kids have the WORST beds for this.

We get a bed set up on the sofa with a trash can standing by.

If panic does ensue The Farmer sends me to bed where I lay heart pounding tossing and turning.

To ease my stress over impending doom we, ok I but The Farmer humors me, have begun an evening ritual.
I slather essential oils down their spines at bedtime.

ImmuPower is my weapon of choice
Once a week I do a modified Raindrop on them.
For the RD I use
Lavender, Frankincense, Valor, Oregano, Peace and Calming, and Thieves 

Why?
Because it can't hurt and it will help at keeping all those pesky germs away.

And

It makes be feel better
I also clean my house with Thieves Cleaner
It smells delish and can kill black mold so for me it is a win win.

I don't think there is anything that affects me like this.
I hate the feeling that overcomes me and I really wish it didn't happen, but it isn't voluntary.
And here some of you think I have it all together.
I don't.

Not. Even. Close.

Maybe next time we can talk about how:
I can't share a soda, you can't taste my coffee or have a bite of my food
or how I am afraid of slugs.. for real.

Blessed is me...

It's true. I yell at my kids.

After my post about our first week of school and how I yell at my kids I have gotten some comments about yelling. 

Some people are surprised that I yell at my kids, some are glad that they aren't the only ones and some aren't happy about it because "it isn't good for their spirit" Um ok?

I mostly yell because well, they make me yell at them!

Most recently this has happened..

Jameson comes in from the field the cows are in. 

His barn boots covered in fresh poop!

He slides his boots off at the back door leaving them on the door mat.

This reveals his sockless feet-he knows this is a no no- which are disgustingly dirty.

He is also opting out of wearing pants unless they are sweatpants so he had shorts on.

The lower half of his legs had green smears on them. 

Those smears are cow poop!

As I am telling him to jump in the shower to wash off all the poop he runs into Madalyn's room and climbs up on her BED!
Dirty rotten smelling feet and cow poop legs on her bed!

Commence yelling.

"JAMESON GET OFF HER BED YOU HAVE COW POOP ALL OVER YOUR LEGS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET IN THE SHOWER!"

I mean really what is another load of laundry???

And then this..

Madalyn opens the fridge to grab the grape juice. While she is grabbing the juice bottle the feta cheese smashes to the floor sending those little precious cheese curds flying.

They spread from one end of the kitchen to the next. 

She comes to tell me the cheese fell out of the fridge tracking the cheese on the bottom of her shoes into the living room.

I tell her she needs to get it cleaned up.

She proceeds to grab broom at the back door tracking more cheese across the house.

She then sweeps the cheese under the fridge, down the stair, under the stairs past the washer and dryer to the door mat where she leaves it.

She then comes back to tell me she cleaned it up best she could but some cheese is still on the floor. I suggest a wet paper towel to get the rest.

I hear the slap of a sopping wet dish towel hit the floor.

When I walk into the kitchen the floor looks like a bucket of water had been poured over the cheese.

A mess of epic proportions.

Yelling..

"GO OUTSIDE! GO!"
I then mop up the water and vacuum up every last piece of cheese on the floors that had just been vacuumed the night before.

Or when:
Jameson wears his school shoes in the chicken coop.

Madalyn argues about why she has to wear a long shirt or a skirt over her leggings EVERY time she puts a pair on.

They fight, poke, and bug each other after continuous requests to stop whatever it is they are doing.

Or when I am pmsing and could ram someone when they cut me off in the round about.
Or when I have had a long day at work pleasing person after person and I'm spent by the time I get home only to be greeted by complaints about what I am making for dinner.

or, or, or..

Life gets hard and sometimes my patience wear thin.

Are these my BEST parenting moments? Heck no, but they are normal.
We get frustrated and impatient.

My dear friend Diana tells me
"Parenting isn't for the faint at heart. It takes courage"
I couldn't agree more!

We are just imperfect people trying to do our best job to raise kids who are:

respectful

thankful

honest

safe

carefree

happy

the list goes on and on and on.
It is a LONG HARD list if you are doing it right.

And guess what!?
Despite the occasional sometimes daily yelling my kids are happy!
They laugh from the pits of their bellies.
They run and play
They love and hug and snuggle me.
They both sing in the shower.
At bedtime even on bad days Madalyn wraps her arms around my neck and squeezes me tight and Jameson tries to pull me into his bed.
My kids are loved and they know it.


Blessed is me..

Thankful

Walking out to the field to bring The Farmer some dinner while the moon is rising high up into the sky.

A reason to be thankful.

 Two compassionate kids saying goodbye to their first pet.

A reason to be thankful.

The Farmer working hard on our fields so that we can someday raise our own cattle.

A reason to be thankful.

 

A Buff Orpington chick wandering from the yard to the field and everywhere in between.

A reason to be thankful.

 

A little girl comforting her wounded friend.

A reason to be thankful.

 

 

Our dream come true.

A reason to be thankful.

 

The Mini Farmer who is most comfortable in undie bucks and barn boots.

A reason to be thankful.

Over 13 years with Bella Jean Linder.

A reason to be thankful.

The day started out in the worst possible way and our kids keep ask things like 

"am I ever going to stop being sad"

But

We have much to be thankful for

Literally over a hundred people reached out to us.

Every one of the kids' teachers called or emailed.

People stopped their busy day to make sure we were ok.

One of my friends brought me flowers and hugged me tight even though she was having her own bad day.

Thankful, thankful, thankful.

Blessed is me...

Memories of Grandpa and Grandma Beelar

Today I was outside working around the yard and finishing up our landscaping project. 

The sounds and smells around the farm got me thinking about my Great Grandma and Grandpa Beelar.

Our family would gather at their farm in mid summer for what we called "haying season" not far from our farm.

Those days are some of my best memories.

My grandma Beelar would always be in the kitchen wearing an apron.

Her counters would be overflowing with everything from fresh bread and all sorts of dishes to colored pictures that one of her many grand and great-grand kids made for her.

Her hands were small, covered in wrinkles and always soft. 

Her nails filed to a soft curve.

Her kitchen table was long and stretched the length of the dining room.

 I can just picture all her 8 kids gathered around it with their backs up against the windows that faced out towards where her car was always parked. 

Down the center of the plastic tablecloth covered table was always the same.

Fig Newtons, sugar bowl, butter, jam, honey, note cards and bread; fresh of course.

I can still hear the creak of the spring on the wood screened door before it slammed shut against the door frame as we ran inside.

She would tell us "shut the screen you'll let the flies in"

We were always greeted with a smile and a hug, but not before she wiped her hands on her apron.

The old farmhouse always smelled like burning wood from their wall sized open fireplace.

The fireplace was enormous to me and was made of big flat stones.

Grandpa Beelars chair was right next to the fireplace. It is where he read the paper and took short naps. He would hold us on his lap and I'll never forget the day he sat in his chair resting with a tiny Jameson in his lap; his first Great Great Grandson.

He loved sitting there next to the blazing hot fire and did so until his last day in that house.

During hay season my Grandpa Beelar would be down in the fields driving a tractor or a hay truck.

He was a  man of short stature with a pointy nose and a bald head, but his hands were the size of a dinner plate.

His knuckles were gnarled and big; a sign of hard work.

He wore long sleeved collar shirts and Ben Davis pants.

He smelled like diesel.

He was never too busy to give us a ride on the tractor or to let us sit on his lap and "drive" the hay truck.

We spent many days riding on top of the hay loaded high up in the truck. We would head down the dusty driveway and up to the barn where my cousins and I would jump down off the truck and climb to the tippy top of the barn so we could throw the rock salt on the freshly stacked bales.

We of course always had to taste the salt as we were tossing it around.

It never tasted good, but that didn't stop us from tasting it year after year.

Those fields were the same ones he walked out to the day his daughter; my grandma died.

Grandpa Beelar was a man of few words, but that day he uttered the words "you should never have to bury one of your kids". 

I wonder if he found comfort in the fields that so many precious memories were made in.

I don't remember a time when our entire family wasn't there for hay season.

My mom, her brothers and uncles would buck bales way up into the truck.

My brother, cousins and I would run from field to field.

Some cousins would swim in the slough.

 Never a care in the world. We played for hours and hours together.

My Grandma Ethel and her sisters would help their mom, Grandma Beelar, cook up a feast for the hay crew.

We always had so much food.

I remember one time there was a huge pot of corn on the cob.

The pot was bigger than anything I had ever seen.

It was the only thing I ate for dinner.

Bright yellow smothered in butter, salt and pepper.

There was also always fresh bread.

Crusty and brown on the outside with a top so round and perfect.

Soft and white on the inside.

Now that I am older I wish I could go back and spend more time at The Beelar farm.
In a fleeting moment I grew up.

Gone are the days of carefree moments of running from field to field, skipping rocks in the slough, sneaking upstairs in the house because Grandma didn't want us up there, climbing high up in the hay mound, riding around on the tractor with Grandpa.

Gone are the days of the screen door slamming as we turn the corner and greet Grandma Beelar arms  ready for a hug.

These are all things that I haven't thought about in a long long time. Isn't is funny how a smell or a sound can perk up a memory that is tucked safely in your heart?

 I think that Grandpa and Grandma Beelar would be proud of the job we are doing raising our kids on the farm and I hope our kids have as many fond memories of pulling on their barn boots, running in the fields, and all the other fun things we get to do on the farm.

Blessed is me...

Justin Grafton Studios

  As most of you know The Farmer and I just celebrated our 10th anniversary.

I wanted to get him something really special and I thought doing a calendar shoot would be something he would love.

I wanted it to be something classy and sexy, but also something I wouldn't be embarrassed of.

What would the point of doing something like this be if it couldn't be displayed in the shop or the barn?

You've seen calendar shoots done that include trashy pictures, food (which is super weird. Don't do that. EVER), poses where the lady has her business for all to see.

I called Justin Grafton.

 I have know Justin since we both worked at Dairy Queen in high school and I love all of his photographs.

He was on board!

I was a little nervous that it would be weird because I am mom and honestly sexy isn't my comfort. I love to wear jeans and a hoodie.

It wasn't weird and I can feel a little sexy and still be comfortable.

 

The hardest part was getting The Farmer off the farm because I wanted to do the shoot in the barn.

I tried getting him out of town with his friend Bryan more than once!
Finally, I just had to tell him.

 "you need to be out of the house by 10 and you can't come home all day!"

The day came and I was REAL nervous!

I had all my clothes and shoes ready so while Justin got all his fancy equipment in the barn Sabrina and I decided what my first outfit would be.

Sabrina is Justin's girlfriend and assistant. She is super nice and so helpful.

It was SO FUN and my nerves immediately left!

Justin directed the shoot while Sabrina reminded me to keep my fingers soft and helped to make sure all my business wasn't hanging out.

They both made the experience so wonderful and super comfortable.

The photos are perfect and The Farmer loves them!

The quality of the calendar itself is amazing. It is something you could buy in a store!

Ladies, if you want to get your husband or boyfriend something unique and fun I highly recommend calling Justin and setting up a shoot. You can even come and use our barn. I'm not gonna lie there are some cool places in there for pictures.

Front

 

Blessed is me!

10 years

I have been Mrs. Linder for 10 years today!

Oh what a year we have had.

Honestly, at times it was really hard.

A couple weeks ago we were on a dinner date and we were talking about the last year and we decided that it was by far the toughest year we have had.

We had trial after trial.

Sickness.

Seeing your husband with a 104 fever so sick and in such pain that he is rocking himself will shake you to the core! Jameson had just gotten over having pneumonia. He was nice and shared it with Daddy. We had three bouts of it in a month.

 Jer is the strength in our family and to see him physically out of commission was so scary and heartbreaking. Hands down worst day ever.

Finances.

I officially hate money.

It is so stressful when you don't have enough and it causes great strife.

Luckily, we are both hard workers and we just kept plugging along.

We experienced major answered prayers in this department.

We needed $1000.00, so I prayed and that day one of my clients bought a gift certificate for just that amount.

 I know some of you will call that coincidence..that's ok I know it wasn't.

This was a great lesson in communication for us even though at times the talking was a little loud.

Fighting.

We have never ever ever fought or argued as much as we did this year.

There were many nights we laid next to each other in bed without ever saying one word the entire day or night.

Silence is REALLY hard for me, but I know that sometimes less is more.

These were really really hard days.

More than once I thought it would be easier to throw in the towel; out of desperation.

BUT!

We also had break through after break through.

We are coming out of this stronger in so many ways.

Stronger in marriage.

Stronger in ourselves.

Stronger in faith.

We know that together we can conquer anything.

We are better at communicating even the really hard stuff.

There were days when Jer would come home and all it took was him looking at me to make me burst into tears. He without hesitation would grab me and hug me through it with no words until I could get it back together. For me, I need to work things through with someone even if it is just a hug.
I know that hug to some is just a hug, but to me it is strength comfort and love.

The way I feel when Jer wraps his arms around me is peaceful and safe even on the worst days.

There were days when he would come home and just head outside. I knew this meant he needed space; not a hug. Jer works things through in his head. He recharges by being home and being alone. This is something I am learning even after 10 years of marriage.

I prayed; a lot

and I had a group of warriors praying us through it too.
I am forever grateful to them.

 Jer had his hat on backwards; a lot

and we did it.

TOGETHER!

We can't expect that every year is going to be easy or that just because the years stack up that it becomes routine. Every year we grow and change and trials are to be expected.
Jer's Grandma Betty told me
"once you make it to your 20th anniversary the rest is cake"

Not every day has been easy, but every day has had love, love, love.
In every up down and all around Jeremy Ryan has my heart tucked safely inside his where it will stay until the day after forever.

Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.

Mark 10:9

Blessed Is Me...