Broken Bits

The last couple years have been full of broken bits for The Farmer and me.

Sometimes things are way up

other times

way down.

Life just happens that way.

It builds us where we need to grow.

It stretches our faith.

It burns away the yuck.

It teaches us how limber we really are when the wind tries to blow us over.

It reiterates that we are stronger together; even on the most broken days.

It also shows us who will be with us picking up our broken bits without a second thought and sadly who will walk away.

I pretty much hate it, but I know that it is part of our story.

If you're like me you try with all your might to hold the bits together always quick to pick one up if it falls ensuring that no one notices.

However, soon more and more bits fall and I have struggled to pick them up before someones eye catches a broken bit.

Offers of help are usually given with me declining assistance.

Why?

Because I am tough.

I am a helper not the helped.

Why do I feel like I need to be tough all the time?
Why do I always have my game face on?
Why am I quick to offer a tight hug, but will rarely take one when I need it the most?

Why will I carry other peoples broken bits, but not let them carry mine?

In the last few months I have learned that it's ok not to be tough all the time and when I drop my broken bits it's ok to accept help.

I've been very luck to have people that have picked up my broken bits even when I ask them not to.

They have been quick to put them back together for me.

They have carried them for me when I just can't.

They have let me know it's ok to not be tough all the time.

I am learning that it is ok to let my guard down and let people see me cry.

You know the ugly "I can't carry these stinking bits anymore" cry.

Cause when you hold it in for too long and then the flood gates open it isn't real pretty. 

Trust me.

In the last year I have had my eyes opened to a different kind of love.

One with no strings attached, no competition, no expected pay back, no constant reminding what had been done.

Just love

free for the taking broken bit picking up

love.

And, honestly, it hasn't been by who I thought it would be.

I think we all have those friends who we just know will always be and when we need them most they just can't give what we need.

And that is okay.

Life is about growing and changing and sometimes we outgrow friends.

It has been by people I barely know.

People who have texted me and said 

"your family has been on my mind and if you need anything please let me know"

Random messages on Facebook

"I prayed for you today"

Phone calls just checking in.

And it's been by people I have known most of my life.

Old friends and new.

Now, before you get all freaky and texting me a thousand messages.

We are fine.

We are healthy.

We are united.

We are human and just are going through the same crap that everyone goes through.

The reason I feel compelled to share is that I want you to know

It's ok

to ugly cry

to accept a hug

to not be tough all the time

and it's ok

to drop your broken bits.

Someone will pick them up.

Someone will carry you through

Someone will hug you tight

and someone will wipe your tears.

It might be by someone you have known your whole life.

Maybe someone you've only met 3 weeks prior.

Maybe it will be me.

Lessons learned:
We are never alone in our struggle.

Someone will always be there to help.

Ugly crying really does feel good after it is all out.

Broken bits don't define who we are, but make up our story.

Maybe it is a story intended to help someone else.

ALL things work together for good.. Romans 8:28

Broken bits and all.

Blessed is me...